Airline Passenger

How I even got here must be a mystery to the flight attendant. She seems to think I don’t know how to work a seatbelt. As it happens, I took an Uber to the airport and I didn’t wear the seatbelt. But I know how to use a seatbelt. I’m not an idiot.

The light went on and somebody’s telling me to get back to my seat and put my seatbelt on. We’re approaching some turbulence. Nothing to get excited about. But they want us to be cautious. Me? Cautious?

Nah. I didn’t even wear the seatbelt in the Uber. Be daring! Live a little.

No, when they said sit down and put on your seatbelt, that’s when I got up and went to the restroom. There’s something I simply must do. I’ve got a cigarette dangling out of my mouth. I’ve got my lawyer on speed dial and $300 in cash just in case I get a fine. Right now, I’m disabling the smoke detector.

Got a light?