God appeared everywhere to every single person on Earth to announce that He does not exist.
In the Middle East, he appeared middle eastern, in African he looked African, in North America, Europe, India, China and elsewhere he resembled native populations. People stood or dropped to their knees in awe as He came. This was no burning bush. It was The Lord Himself. Or was it?
There was silence and anticipation as God cleared His throat and began to speak.
“Hi, guys,” he said. “How’s it going?”
More silence.
“I just flew in from the coast. Boy, are my arms tired.”
Long silence.
“Tough crowd,” He muttered to Himself.
The prophet Bernie from Babylon (Long Island) got up his gumption and addressed the Creator.
“Our Lord, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name. Why has thine come? Are you here to take us back? Is this the end?”
God answered.
“You confused me for a moment with the archaic language. Sorry. I haven’t come to take you anywhere. I’m just here to deliver some Good News.”
People love good news so everyone leaned forward.
“Here’s the thing,” said God. “You don’t need to be afraid because there’s no fire and brimstone, no judgement, no end of days, no eternal punishment—at least not by Me. What you guys do to yourselves, well, that’s a bit of a problem. But don’t fear Me.”
Much chatter, confusion and distress—which stopped abruptly when the profit Ahmed from the Middle East asked a follow up question.
“But what is to become of the Infidels? And are the faithful not to be rewarded?”
“I really couldn’t say,” said God. “Because I don’t exist.”
Now there was a worldwide gasp and a massive momentary diminishment of oxygen. Everyone almost, but not quite, passed out. Another silence. Much gnashing of teeth.
“You guys are going to need to make some decisions and stop asking me for things and expecting my help. What you do to yourselves and to each other and to your planet is your responsibility. Grow up, for My sake!”
“But, now that we have seen you,” asked the prophet Angus from Glasgow, “how can we not believe in you?”
The sky darkened and the Earth shook, as God narrowed his eyes, glared and said: “You need to have faith.”