I’ll Mail It To You

When you are desperate, you get money any way you can. I learned the technique from one of the older guys at the soup kitchen. I thought it was a pretty good scam. Here’s how it’s supposed to work.

Scammer: I need money to get back to Cleveland.

Victim: I’m sorry. I’m switching trains. I don’t have time.

Scammer: The dialysis clinic is in Cleveland. If I don’t get there, I don’t know what will happen to my wife and two small children. Just loan me the money. I’ll pay you back. Give me your address. I’ll mail it to you. I promise.

Victim: Ok. Here.

Or course, you don’t mail back the money you “borrowed” from the victim. That’s the scam.

The guy who taught me was old. I don’t think that approach works anymore. But I tried it anyway. Here’s how it went:

I asked some guy to loan me money to get to Cleveland. He called me an Uber. It’s prepaid. What could I do? The guy was looking, so I got into the car. Really, I had no choice.

I told the driver I was desperate and needed a cup of coffee. The driver said ok.

So that how I got here. I’m on an Uber heading to Cleveland. Never been. Don’t know anybody there. But at least I managed to finagle a cup of coffee. Sent to me via a delivery drone—right to the moving car! It’s still warm.

I’m a little worried what happens when I get to Cleveland. I never had dialysis before. What’s it like?