Killer App

I made it and I’m glad. No longer will the name Clyde Dalrymple be the subject of ridicule. At last, they will respect, no revere me.

Sometimes, by mistake, things appear in the world that cause trouble. Flashing colors in a cartoon that give Japanese kids seizures. A poorly marked intersection that results in bad auto accidents.

But I do it on purpose. My previous app, Anxiety Attack, was quite successful. There was a big buzz. The app would detect perspiration from the thumb (at least on the new iPhone 10s) and then produce a series of images, noises and shocks that would freak most people out. It would often cause heart palpitations, shortness of breath and sometimes fainting. Nobody died.

People bought Anxiety Attack. A lot of people. Buyers wanted to prove that they could take whatever the app could dish out. Some could, but most people were rather damaged by it.

Still, that was two years ago. People lost interest in the app and in me. I became an anonymous geek again.

I hated that. So that why I developed the (literally) Killer App. This was the real thing, the biggest challenge ever. Who would live? Who would die?

Now I’m making money hand over fist and I’m all over the media. I coyly deny, in interviews, that the app is really designed to cause death. Nobody believes it, but my lawyer tells me that it keeps me in the clear.

I’m not the only one making money from killer app. You see, the app comes with life insurance. Spouses are “gifting the app” and collecting big bucks. Almost everybody wins. I’m sure the late Mrs. Dalrymple would have appreciated that.