Know How To Fall

Most people think I’m clumsy. I fall a lot and always at the opportune moment. I wanted to be a circus acrobat. I had natural skills. But after training—especially learning how to fall—and considering the dangers one faces from plummeting at a great height, I reconsidered. I became a dental hygienist.

Now, you may say, “Peggy, that’s a pretty dull career!” And you’d be right. But it’s steady work and I get my excitement elsewhere. I’ve been using my falling skills to great effect.

That’s how I met and married Dr. Griswald. Yeah, THE Dr. Griswald. I was walking by his office and I “slipped” on the sidewalk just as he was leaving for home. He helped me up, our eyes met and I snagged him. He may be the surgeon but I’m a smoother operator.

I made my fortune years before meeting the handsome, wealthy and oh so eligible Dr. Griswald. I fell on public property. I faked it real good, just for the security cameras. It looked so good that I didn’t even need to go to court. We settled for a figure that I could live with. That I could live quite comfortably with for a very long time.

The truth is, I never worked hard. Years before I sued my way to fortune (or threatened to), I fell on the job and got a whole lot of workers’ comp time. As a dental hygienist, I never looked a gift horse in the mouth. In fact, I rarely looked into anybody’s mouth. Why bother?

Fate got the last laugh. It’s hard to believe, but of all things I slipped on a banana peel. I’m gonna be laid up for a long time. Meanwhile, I’m trying not to fall out of the hospital bed. I think I’ve lost my touch.