Late Night Bull Session

A few billion of us around the globe got together (virtually) and decided to hold a late night bull session. We thought a little collaboration might solve the world’s problems. This presented a few complications because we can’t all talk at once, and we speak different languages. Also, it isn’t late at night everywhere at the sane time.

By lottery they put me in charge. I’m Lee, your moderator.

We solved the operational problems mostly with software. The time thing was something we decided to ignore. After your local midnight, you just join in.

Only a small percentage of us had been to college, but most of us instinctively got the hang of it. A few hundred million of us (me included) got a bit drunk in preparation. I think this made it more authentic.

Here’s a partial transcript. Each comment represents millions of people. They were automatically aggregated and paraphrased.

North America:
[sobbing] I love you man!

Middle East:
Then how come you keep attacking us? You’re already drunk.

Our wine is much better. And we drink because we’re classy and because we want to forget that we can’t pay our bills.

I’ve got some strong coffee. Maybe we can sober up North America.

What’s going on? I don’t understand what you guys are saying.

This is tech support. My name is Bob. How can I help you?


By 6 am Greenwich Mean Time it got pretty quiet. Except for Madrid. They were just joining.

Hola! Where is everybody? Hello?!

I think it was a success. I actually didn’t do much moderating. It was a free-for-all. I’m pretty sure we solved all the world’s problems although that somehow didn’t make it into the transcript. It was just like a real college bull session.

Next week: planet-wide speed dating!