Satan Loves You

I, Satan, want to thank you, all of you, my indispensable magnificent fiends!

By successfully imputing my values onto my nemesis Jesus Christ, you have swayed millions to my side. For this, I am grateful.

Let me be more specific. And let us, together, celebrate our triumph.

While Jesus championed the poor, you now have millions condemning the poor for their alleged laziness. You have self-described Christians saying that the poor deserve their suffering, that they are condemned by their own moral failings. And yes, you have succeeded in convincing millions of Christians to deny help to the poor, to keep them hungry, homeless and, whenever possible, sick as well.

It is a victory of the rich, the moneylenders, the only people that Jesus did not love. There is, in fact, a whole industry of pious laymen preaching that Jesus wants you to be rich. They have wiped out any memory of giving away your belongings to follow Him. Or of rich men being barred from heaven and that thing about camels and needles.

Love thy neighbor? Gone! Turn the other cheek? Gone! And violence? It’s all the rage! It’s as if Jesus followers have rejected him and substituted the god Mars. War IS their God.

Kill! Yes, kill! Shoot! Execute the lepers, the very lepers that Jesus cared for.

I can hardly speak. I am overcome with joy!

And yet you, my followers, my heroes, did not stop there. No, you have wiped out the most dangerous notion of all: love thy neighbor. Every neighbor is a stranger and every stranger is to be feared, dehumanized, hated and murdered. Love thy neighbor? That is history.

Oh, I can’t go on. It’s so wonderfully hideous. Please wait while I wipe a tear away with my barbed tail. You must remember and never forget: Satan loves you.

To sum it all up: Today’s Christians enthusiastically throw stones at imagined sinners, they band together to champion weapons and war and to promote poverty and greed.

But enough talk. Please, join me down below for the celebration. It’s gonna be a hell of a party.