Terrorists attacked our water supply with a drug that exposed liars. It made them seriously incontinent. People who were figuratively full of shit became literally so.
This was a dastardly plot. It didn’t stop the hypocrisy, but it made it painfully obvious. Politicians, journalists, preachers, and all kinds of opinion-makers became, well, difficult to be around.
Ben Flacker was a true believer which enabled him to continue spewing venom with no bowel irregularities. On TV, radio, social media and in person, he condemned people who were different from himself and continued to rake in the money. He truly believed that homosexuals, poor people, and those who want government money for any non-military purpose are an offense to God and dangerous to Our Beloved Country. Flacker was a hate-filled flake, but not a phony.
Jim Monk, however, was a lying opportunist. He espoused ideas similar to those of Flacker, but he didn’t really believe them. Hate got ratings, fame and money, and Monk was no fool—just a schmuck. Within a week, he was widely known as Mr. Poopy Pants and was off the air. His fans moved over to Flacker.
Other problems developed in the Incontinental United States. Military and intelligence officials started to stink up the place. Demanding higher budgets and less oversight, these officials tried to expand their empires. Growing very uncomfortable, and tired of wearing adult diapers, the Pentagon and others moved their spokespeople to Alaska and Hawaii where deception still worked as it always had.
Both the State of the Union Address and its rebuttal were delivered from Hawaii.
Though the economies of Alaska and Hawaii boomed, and the lies continued unabated, the American people became more than disenchanted. They started tuning out.
But those who remained engaged flocked to Flacker. This was the time for him to make his move. As a true believer who fully controlled his own bladder, he could speak out in Washington, D.C. And he did.
“Citizens! The time for change is now. God has exposed the evil in our country as only He can. He has spoken to me and asked me to be his prophet and representative on Earth, and lead us all, together, to our blessed salvation.”
Then, Flacker awaited his inevitable occupation of the White House, possibly by acclamation.
Then, a video appeared on the Internet and it went viral. It was, of all things, a statement by Mr. Poopy Pants.
“The time has come for us to chose. Our choice, in the past, has been between fools like Mr. Flacker and liars like myself. We can and must do better.”
Jim Monk went on to say that we need to face our situation wisely and honestly. That deception of any kind, including self-deception, can no longer be acceptable.
As accidental president, Jim served his single term honorably. He was like a badly needed breath of fresh air. Badly needed.