The Auction

I suppose you heard about my auction on eBay. I’m auctioning off my life. A lot of people are complaining but now that suicide is legal there’s not much they can do about it.

Hunters are interested. Sure it’s exciting to kill a lion or a hippo—but hunting a person is more unique. I suppose if one of those guys wins, I’ll have to try and run away or hide before he shoots me. It’ll be a bit of an act if that happens, but I guess it’s only right that I put on a show. It’s not really hunting if I just stand there.

Give people what they pay for.

But the truth is I’m ready to die, before the disease takes a visible toll on me. And I’d like to give my family a bonus on the way out.

Let them remember—Ed was a good guy who maximized his limited time on Earth. Or at least his final few weeks.

So here I am, eating fresh pastries and sipping coffee poured from a French press. My legs are raised on another chair and a gentle breeze soothes me. I’m following the auction on my smart phone, content that my struggle will soon be over and my family well-cared for.

Auction’s over. Oh, damn. The winner wants me to turn off my smart phone. Some things, however, I simply cannot do. I’d rather die.