The Breakup Artist

I’m a master of breaking up. I do it with finesse. I leave a string of wistful souls, not broken hearts. I’m not a cad; I’m an artist.

Romance is easy. Women want love. Like men, women have fragile egos and are susceptible to flattery. That’s all you need to know. Then just practice until you are smooth enough to execute.

Breakups are trickier, much more challenging. I don’t know if it can be taught, but in any case, I’ll let you in on my tricks of the trade.

It’s best to tell the truth but never the whole truth. I need to move on. The road is calling to me. I will always cherish our time together. But leave other things unsaid. I’m bored with you. I’ve found someone better. I’ve seen you without makeup and lost interest. Why say something like that? Leave them happy.

My latest flameout got this true line: “We come from different worlds.” I didn’t tell her the whole truth of course. The mother ship is coming to pick me up on Thursday.