The Empathy Chip

I don’t do much walking but yesterday I walked a mile in another man’s shoes. It was exhausting. Emotionally, anyway.

I’m a member of that new, growing sect of Christianity. I’m one of those techno-Christians. We believe in using modern technology to help us better experience and spread the love of Christ. I was even there, at the beginning, at the now legendary Meeting.

I am one of the Elders at the Church of Christ of the Silicon Chip just outside of Mountain View. Call me Brother Hampton. We came together because we saw our co-religionists moving away from the love of Christ and instead using Christ’s name to justify fear and anger and violence and greed.

We, ourselves, had lost our way. In our day jobs, we were working on clever techno-junk. Digital things to hijack people’s brains and pick their pockets and—especially—to make our venture capitalist overseers piss their pants with joy.

It’s like we’re were on drugs, on a constant high and lost in an alternate universe. But the drug wore off. Higher doses did nothing.

We came back down to Earth. And we didn’t like what we saw.

So, we went back to work and developed the Empathy Chip. Once implanted, you can directly share the emotional state of the people who are physically nearest to you. We all have them. Our church members rarely go into the church. Instead, we go out into the world, and talk with people who we understand so well that it hurts.

Stated simply, we literally feel your pain.

Brother Clark is, perhaps, our most passionate advocate. He listens carefully to all unbelievers before he preaches. He takes time. He understands. And that makes his words more powerful. He’s no phony. He’s the real thing. He’s filled with the Holy Techno-Spirit.

Of course, no matter how kind, gentle and thoughtful you are, some people just won’t ever like you. We were prepared for that. We’re sensitive but not THAT sensitive.

After my mile walk yesterday, they came for me. They got me and tried to get me to repent. I refused. And I’m really uncomfortable in the hot sun tied to this cross. I never claimed to be the Messiah yet they’ve accused me of being a false one. What’s really driving me crazy is that my nose itches. Badly.

Fortunately, Sister Davis is here to cut me loose. I can hardly wait. We’ve still got a lot of souls to save.