I lived my whole life for the afterlife and now that I’m on the other side, I’ve got to say I’m disappointed. It’s not at all what I was promised.
On the plus side, there was no judgement which is kind of a relief because, well yeah I was a good guy, but nobody’s perfect. And yet the judgement would have been great. Meeting Gabriel and all, seeing the pearly gates. Best of all, I’d have made it through and the people I never liked would have been sent to the devil. Presumably.
But I got here with no Gabriel, no pearly gates, no angels playing harps on clouds. It was like this: I didn’t wake up and then I was here.
Nobody welcomed me. Everybody went about their business which, if you ask me, makes even less sense here than it did in life. What kind of business do you have here? Looking forward to a promotion? Love? To create great art? For who?! And yet everybody seems to be rushing about.
I looked around for something go to do. I had no interest in the other souls—they’d already been saved. I found a deck of cards and I’ve been playing solitaire. Red queen goes on the black king. The game is mildly diverting and I’ve got a lot of time.
I cannot believe this is my reward. I lived my whole life for Him. I preached His name. I got wealthy because He wanted me to. I condemned those who didn’t honor His name. I prayed at church and sometimes put money in the collection plate. I fought the heathens in the glorious war and at home.
Lately, I’ve had it up to here. I want out and I’ve been looking down below. No, I don’t want to return to life on Earth. I’m looking way below, to Hades. It’s gotta be more interesting than this.
I wonder what would happen if I leapt off this cloud?