The Trojans

They were a proud team but they were last in their division. Even the Trojans’ worst player held his head high when he took the field. This was a team that never heard of Vince Lombardi. They wanted to win, but winning wasn’t everything.

Bart Lunberg, the best they had (he was okay), suited up. He was proud to be a part of the only team in the league that never had a player suspended for performance enhancing drugs. Neither Bart nor any player on the Trojans had ever struck an opposing player or committed any offense that resulted in a suspension. They were a clean team. As much as they struggled to win games, these players didn’t curse or kick water coolers. They led the league in sportsmanship.

The Trojans always put their best team on the field. It was a weak team but it was the best they had to offer. They worked as hard (some would say harder) as any team and always ended the season in last place. But without cheating.

Everywhere else, sportsmanship was dying—or perhaps dead. Players from other teams led the league in blocking, in points scored and in dozens of other categories while breaking the rules. Yet these cheating players entered the record books without an asterisk. No Trojans cheated and none made the record books.

Bart worked out in the weight room. No doctors stuck needles in his buttocks. No powders or capsules were surreptitiously passed over to him in unmarked envelopes. Bart just exercised, making himself stronger. He was a smart, determined and careful player. Yeah, he quietly received deliveries, but he only accepted small flat square packages of strictly legal substances.

Despite their losing record on the field, don’t think Bart and his teammates were unpopular with the ladies. Maybe they weren’t as popular as the “bad boy” stars on some other teams, but they still scored—frequently.

Even so the Trojans were best in the majors in one category: fewest unplanned pregnancies.