The Wisdom of Success

I only look to successful people for wisdom. They know. If I want answers, I ask Oprah. Really wise people are not only rich, they are also famous. I get my politics from Brad Pitt.

I’ve got no patience for the eggheads in their ivory towers with their endless “studies.” Who would read that crap? If they know so much, why aren’t they fixing the world’s problems?

My friends and I used to talk about this all the time. We were a classy bunch. We drank wine and ate cheese and talked about the world. We would have solved the world’s problems if only the people in charge would have listened to us.

Here’s the gist:

Meditate. Eat vegan. Buy local. Respect nature.

Bill Gates. He’s the guy. A genius. He got rich after buying an operating system (called “DOS”) and licensing it to IBM for their personal computers. How impressive is that?

He dropped out of Harvard and now he’s ready to fix our schools. I say, let him do it!

And how about that Warren Buffett? An old guy who lives in Nebraska, I think, and invests his money and other people’s money in various businesses. He’s a brilliant financial guy.

Now, we’ve got even more brilliant people. That Zuckerberg guy who invented Facebook. The guy from PayPal with the strange name who launches rockets. I mean, wow!

I foresee a future with free high-speed Internet provided by Google, and drones delivering everything we could possibly desire care of Amazon.

By the way, can you spare a quarter?